


find our way in the dark

by akamine_chan



Category: Bandom, Mindless Self Indulgence, My Chemical Romance
Genre: F/M, Pegging, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-23
Updated: 2013-04-23
Packaged: 2017-12-09 06:29:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/771094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akamine_chan/pseuds/akamine_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It amazed Gerard that after all this time, there were still things that he didn't know about his wife.</p>
            </blockquote>





	find our way in the dark

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shinetheway](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinetheway/gifts), [argentumlupine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/argentumlupine/gifts).



> This was created as a collaboration with Ande for the birthdays of Shinetheway and Argentumlupine. Unfortunately, a lot of stuff got in the way of this - everything from our band breaking up to MJ to the con crud from hell to internet blackouts.
> 
> Much love and many thanks to both of you. Happy belated birthday, and hope you enjoy this.
> 
> Title from _Summertime_ by My Chemical Romance, which to me is the ultimate in Lindsey/Gerard songs.
> 
> Beta and helpful advice by Ande and Luce, as ever. 
> 
> Make sure to check out Ande's excellent podfic of the story.

It amazed Gerard that after all this time, there were still things that he didn't know about his wife.

He hadn't known she'd had _this_.

He fingered the harness, surprised at how soft and supple the leather felt. He tried to imagine Lindsey wearing it, dark leather against her pale, pale skin, following the curves of her hips, fake cock held firmly in place by the metal O-ring. The image was unsettling.

They'd talked about this, exactly once, when she'd ghosted a finger over his asshole while sucking him off and he'd flinched away. He'd lost his hard-on and had tried to stammer out an excuse, an explanation, but she'd pushed him into her bunk and cuddled close, pulling the thin sheet over them. 

They'd spent the rest of the evening curled up together, Gerard pressing kisses to her skin, tracing her tattoos with a reverent fingertip. _I was drunk, and I was curious_ , he'd said, resting his cheek on her chest and listening to her heartbeat. _It hurt._

She'd listened, combing her fingers through his hair, petting him. _It shouldn't hurt unless you want it to, baby_ , she’d said.

He'd shrugged, and Lindsey had never pressed the issue, and Gerard fought not to feel like a hypocrite. It wasn't homophobia, he just wasn't into it, most dudes weren't and there was nothing wrong with that.

Gerard shut the drawer and tried to forget about it.

* * *

The more he tried not to think about it, the more the universe conspired against him to make him think about nothing else.

Frank called, just to talk, and ended up telling Gerard all about a bachelorette party Jamia went to, where the bride-to-be was gifted with a strap-on and a copy of _Bend Over Boyfriend_. He laughed when Frank did, but it sounded strained and he was relieved when Frank bounced onto another subject.

He went to do some publicity for U.A. at a local radio station and caught the end of the previous program, a call-in advice show focusing on relationships, where a guy was complaining about how his wife liked to fuck him with a vibrator. The guy wanted to know if it made him a 'faggot' if he liked it.

Gerard rolled his eyes and snorted. _Bigoted asshole_ , he thought.

The next time he showered, he stared blankly at his soapy fingers for a long moment before reaching behind himself slowly, cautiously, and _touching_ , sliding his fingers down his crack and skimming over his hole. It felt strange when he pressed lightly, sending a shiver down his back. It didn't feel _good_ , exactly, but it didn't feel _bad_ , either.

He finished his shower and refused to dwell on it.

* * *

Gerard dreamed of Lindsey, on her knees, blood red lips wrapped around his dick. He was so damn hard he ached, and she was teasing him with her mouth, one hand petting his hip, the other hand— Oh, her other hand was pressing behind his nuts, rubbing at a _spot_ and making sensations zing through him. He shuddered and woke up gasping, teetering on the verge of coming.

Lindsey made a soft sound in her sleep and Gerard carefully rolled away from her, shivering a little. He was sweaty and panting, his traitorous dick tenting his pajama pants obscenely. He wrapped his arms around himself, and closed his eyes, trying not to think of anything at all.

It was a long, long time before he fell back to sleep.

* * *

Maybe he was still curious, but he didn't know how to ask when he'd closed that door years ago.

* * *

"Lins—" He stopped, trying to find the words. The _right_ words.

"What, baby?" She looked up from her book and set down her coffee mug, eyes bright and curious.

"Will you— I found—" This wasn't working; he could feel his face flaming and it pissed him off. There was nothing to be embarrassed about, nothing to be ashamed of, and communicating was _important_ , no matter how hard it seemed. "I want you to fuck me," he said, fast so it came out more like a single, panicked word, _iwantyoutofuckme_. He swallowed hard, throat dry, and stared intently at his coffee mug. It was old, chipped and faded, and suddenly, absolutely fascinating.

She shut her book and set it on the table. "What brought this about?" she asked softly.

Gerard shrugged, but couldn't help risking a glance at her face. Her perfect eyebrow was arched, and even though he _knew_ that Lindsey was the most open and accepting person in his life, he felt the heavy weight of judgement from that eyebrow. He looked away.

Lindsey stood up and before he could say anything, climbed onto his lap and leaned back; Gerard scrambled to grab at her waist to keep them both from tumbling to the kitchen floor. "Fuck, Lins," he muttered as he settled her more securely in his arms.

"Sweetheart," she said, cupping the back of his neck and pressing a quick kiss to his lips. "What's going on? Did Frank dare you or something? Sometimes you boys—"

"No, no, I just—" He trailed off.

"I was pretty sure that was an experience that you had no interest in revisiting," she said quietly.

"I can't change my mind?" he asked, chin lifting.

She smiled at him, and his heart fluttered in his chest, like it always did when he realized that this beautiful woman was his, and he was hers. "Of course you can, baby. You just took me by surprise, is all." She tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear.

Gerard pressed his face against the silky skin of her neck, trying to hide the way his face burned. "Okay, then," he said, breathless from a combination of excitement and nervousness.

* * *

He let Lindsey handle all of the details; if he thought about it too much, he started to freak out and second guess himself. And he wanted to do this, he _did_. It was just some small part of him wasn't so sure.

Gerard's memories of that night were blurred by the haze of time and alcohol, and it was probably better that way. Gerard couldn't remember the dude's name and only had a vague recollection of his face. He'd been a awesome kisser, though, which had been the main reason Gerard had let himself be led back to the guy's hotel room.

Lindsey was a definitely a better kisser than that guy.

She insisted that they shower first and ran the water as hot as Gerard could stand it. He stood under the spray and let the heat loosen the tension that had been knotting his shoulders, while Lindsey lathered up the bath pouf and started washing him.

"Wait, I can—"

She hushed him. "Let me do this for you, sweetheart."

It was selfish, but he trusted her. "All right."

Lindsey scrubbed him gently from head to toe, and then washed his hair, scritching at his scalp until he was blissed out and relaxed. She dried him off with a big fluffy towel, occasionally marking a favorite spot with a kiss. "You're so beautiful," she murmured. "My beautiful boy."

He opened his mouth to contradict her, to point out his flabby belly, the scars, his knobby knees, his bitten-down fingernails, but she kissed him quiet and gracefully dropped to the floor. He wasn't hard yet, but the sight of her taking his dick into her mouth, the way she hummed happily, changed that, fast.

"Love knowing that it's me that makes you hard," she breathed, licking the head of his cock and making him shudder. "Love knowing you're _mine_ , that no one else gets to have you, or see you like this—"

"Lins," he gasped, and she chuckled, low and dirty.

"Mine."

"Yours," he agreed, biting his lip to keep from begging her to keep sucking him. They had other plans for tonight.

"Go wait for me on the bed, sweetie," she said, and the bottom dropped out of his stomach.

"Okay." He inhaled deeply and went.

* * *

It was worse than any pre-show jitters he'd ever had. He sprawled on top of the bed, but he couldn't find a way to arrange his arms and legs that didn't seem like a stupidly cheesy parody of a skin mag. He got up and slid under the covers, pulling them up as he leaned back against the pile of pillows. Gerard knew he looked ridiculous, covered up to his chest like a nervous virgin, erection visible but slowly fading as something close to fear settled into his stomach.

He should call this off, tell Lindsey he didn't want this, after all. She'd made it clear that he could change his mind at any time—

Lindsey stepped out of the bathroom and looked at him with a soft smile. "Hey, baby."

The harness looked gorgeous on her, such a stark contrast. Dark to light, and the delicate straps and buckles emphasized all the places that Lindsey was curved, and all the places where she was boyish and lean. 

He still couldn't believe she'd married him.

Gerard made himself look at _all_ of her, from her damp hair to her bare feet, toenails painted bright red, to the dildo she'd threaded through the front of the harness. Even from across the room he could see that her nipples were hard and it made something in his chest loosen a little; she was clearly into this, too. "Hi." 

He couldn't help grinning back a little, because this whole situation was ridiculous and silly and terrifying and none of that mattered because he was with this beautiful person who loved him, all of him.

* * *

Lindsey walked across the room, using the confident, sexy strut he'd seen her use on stage, showing off a little. "Look at how pretty you are," she purred, and Gerard tried to hold back the blush. He bit down on the things he wanted to say, _no_ and _not me_ , because somehow he knew he _was_ beautiful in her eyes.

"I'm gonna take care of you, baby, make you feel so good—"

He swallowed hard. "How— Where do you want me?" He clutched the sheet a little tighter.

"Relax," Lindsey whispered, tugging at the sheet until he let go, pulling it down his torso. It teased at his nerve endings, raising goosebumps.

"I'm trying," he whispered back. He watched as she moved closer and trailed a line of kisses down from his belly button to his dick, which was getting interested again. She got distracted, sucked a small hickey onto the soft skin in the hollow of his hipbone, and Gerard couldn't help but make a high, surprised sound at the brief sting. "Lindsey," he pleaded.

"Mmmm," she replied. She wrapped her strong hand around his cock and licked at the head, slow and teasing. Gerard gasped and arched under her, unable to lie still with the sensations rocketing through him. "Next time I fuck you, I'm going to do it like this, so I can see your face. But right now, baby, I need to you roll over," she said between licks.

Gerard moaned softly. "Next time?" 

"Told you, sweetheart. I'm going to fuck you so perfectly, make you come so hard that you'll want to do this again. And again." Her grin was fast and bright.

"I hope so," Gerard admitted, meeting her eyes. 

"Promise," she said, and he believed her.

* * *

Lindsey coaxed him onto his hands and knees, tracing the line of his spine with kisses, dragging her nails lightly across the cheeks of his ass.

Gerard started in surprise at the feeling, biting back a gasp and craning his head to look over at his shoulder at her. She was watching him, her eyes hungry and dark.

It wasn't comfortable, spread out for Lindsey, ass up, knees wide. He felt vulnerable, and he tensed his arms to keep them from shaking. His breath hitched as he thought about telling Lindsey to stop, that he'd changed his mind, but he gritted his teeth to keep the words from escaping. They were going to do this thing and satisfy his curiosity once and for all. Then he could move on with his fucking life.

"So tense," Lindsey whispered against the small of his back. There was a _snap_ and a _squelch_ and her hand was wrapping around his cock again, wet and warm and slick, stroking him the way he liked best.

"Yesss," Gerard said, and there was a warm puff of air against his skin as Lindsay laughed softly. "Yeah, yeah, that's—" He couldn't keep still, pushing into the tightness of her hand with a low grunt. "Lins, please—"

"I got you, sweetheart. You're safe with me," she crooned. "Gonna make you want this again." She let her hand slide down, cupping his balls for a second before moving away. There was a pause before she whispered, breathless, "Slicking my cock up for you."

"Christ," he said, feeling the heat race through his body. "Lins—"

"Shhh." She went back to stroking his dick, and with the other hand she pressed a wet finger against his asshole. "Being so brave for me. . ."

Gerard concentrated on breathing in and out, trying to keep himself relaxed and— "Oh." It felt a little weird, stretched and full and he kept getting distracted by the perfect way Lindsey was jerking him off. She moved her finger, slow and gentle, and it didn't hurt at all.

"Okay?" she hummed, and _pressed_ , and Gerard choked on an urgent, desperate sound, feeling the bottom drop out of his world. He pushed back against Lindsey, suddenly shivering as her touch electrified him.

"Oh, fuck, more, please—"

She laughed softly and Gerard didn't even care that she was going to be smug and all _told you_ , because the way she was touching him had him on the edge of coming in no time flat. His elbows gave way and he buried his face in the pillow; that was fine, because he could muffle the embarrassing noises that Lindsey was pulling from him. "Want this so bad," she whispered. She let go of his cock and shifted, and—

"No, don't," he moaned as her finger slipped free, leaving him empty and hollow. 

"Got you, baby," Lindsey said, her hands settling on his hips. "Gonna fuck you now, slow and sweet." She leaned and crowded close, pressing her body against his back as she filled him with her cock. He didn't even have time to worry or tense up, she was so smooth and gentle. "How's that feel?" she asked as she started rocking her hips against him.

Gerard couldn't find his voice. All he could do was rub his sweaty face against the pillow and moan, shuddering as his wife fucked him. She picked up the pace and Gerard's fists clenched in the bedclothes as heat raced through him, misting his skin with sweat.

"This is my littlest cock," she confided as she pressed a kiss to the blade of his shoulder. "Still feels good, right?" She didn't wait for him to answer. "Maybe next time I fuck you, I can use a bigger one. Maybe the biggest one. Something that will really stretch you open, make you walk funny for days—"

"Lins—" She was killing him, the friction of her cock setting him on fire, making him gasp and grunt and moan with every thrust. He was so turned on it hurt. "Oh, Christ, Lins—"

"You look so fucking sexy, baby, spread open for me, letting me fuck you with my dick." Lindsey's voice was a rough growl, and she shoved into him hard and grabbed his cock. Gerard couldn't help himself, he sobbed and came, back arching under Lindsey's weight as she fucked him through his orgasm. She didn't stop until he collapsed under her, whimpering and panting, nerves overloaded with sensation.

He couldn't move, just laid there in a daze while Lindsey pulled her cock out. He made a small sound of protest, and Lindsey hummed back at him as she got out of bed. Gerard couldn't even find the words to complain; he felt wrecked and shattered, and didn't want to be alone—

Lindsey came back with a warm damp cloth, cleaning them both up before wrapping her arms around Gerard and cuddling him. "Okay?" she asked softly, pressing a kiss to his temple.

Gerard nodded, and suddenly realized he'd been selfish, he hadn't touched Lindsey at all, hadn't gotten her off, _worst_ husband in the world—

She took his flailing hand and pressed against the softness of her belly. "S'okay, baby," she said, voice husky. "I can take care of myself." She pressed another kiss to his face and laughed. "You got me so worked up it's not going to take much."

He craned his head a little to watch as she slid her hand lower, fingers combing through her pubic hair before dipping into her cunt. She groaned quietly, and shuddered against him. "It was so hot, watching you open up around my cock," she gasped. "Made me so wet. I just wanted to fuck you hard, make you beg, and you're so beautiful, Gerard, my Gee—"

Pressing a kiss to her nipple, he pushed her hand away and touched her clit lightly, circling it with his finger the way that made her come fast, and she did, with the same sweet moan she always made when she came.

"More?" he asked, but she shook her head, panting against his mouth as they kissed. "Okay." He kept his hand cupped over her mound, feeling the heat and wetness of her against his hand. 

He wanted to stay awake and talk, because it was important, what had happened needed to be discussed, but Lindsey yawned, and that made him yawn, and he was warm and safe and loved. . .and it wasn't long before he drifted off to sleep.

-fin-

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] find our way in the dark](https://archiveofourown.org/works/771108) by [Andeincascade (Ande)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ande/pseuds/Andeincascade)




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